10 August 2009

I know I'm talking quite a bit about dreams, but these past few days have marked a drastic change for me. I'm able to wake up relatively well rested, as rested as I can get with four hours of sleep (yes, I'm still holding on to that circadian rhythm excuse), and I'm not falling asleep at my desk by mid morning. This is a most welcome change.

I did dream again last night, but this time it didn't startle me out of my sleep. I think the initial shock to my system is subsiding. It sounds a bit goofy but I'm actually looking forward to my next one. I think I may be able to handle it if the intense ones return. Of course the recurring precognitive dreams that used to plague me so much in my youth have all come true, long ago. Their common threads were family relationships, transitions to new locations, and the incessant feeling of guilt. Most of those issues are either resolved or have dwindled in severity to the point where they're livable.

As long as I maintain a normal sleep pattern I should be OK because historically it's when I have slept in late on the weekends that I have had some very disturbing dreams. I've been seeing my father in far too many of them, not in the past few weeks, mind you, but the effect does linger. It would equate to a mental nausea.

I know that this is an issue I'm still going to be dealing with for a while, but I also know that I can handle it now. My moods haven't done any drastic swinging in recent weeks whenever those thoughts and memories have arisen.

I've found balance.