26 July 2009 @2000

26 July 2009 2000

Again I've been a bit lax in my daily writing. I guess I justify myself a bit by writing volumes every other day. Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, this has been a very intense weekend. It wasn't that stressful, overworked, honey-do, family drama kind of weekend, but more of a very constructive, soul searching, convening with my wife kind of thing.

We've talked practically nonstop since Friday night. We've been trying to figure out the path to that “perfect” life. I've had to admit that there's no real future in my job; that, if we really wanted to go somewhere we would really love to call home, I'm at the mercy of the availability of positions in my tiny little cozy niche of a career field. Sure, I'll get raises periodically, but this job offers no potential for real advancement. I'd have to change career field completely, and I'm quite under-qualified to do that, at least on paper.

We've been discussing her options, and after being out of the Army for these past few years and being a stay-at-home mom this whole time, she feels that her options are even more limited than mine. Getting her foot in the door in the GS system might help us financially in the short term, but it really doesn't lend itself to the life that she wants to live. She's quite convinced, and I tend to agree, that getting back in the Army, as an officer, of course, would be the only way for her to live the life she really wants to live.

Happy wife, happy life.

We actually sat down and did the math, and, I have to say, the numbers don't lie. Her income would exceed mine in four years, and if she went the distance we'd be living quite comfortably, financially at least, for the rest of our lives.

She told me that once she reaches a rank that pays her well enough I could focus on writing full time if I wanted to.

My perfect life?

What if I woke up tomorrow, and my wife were a Major in the US Army and very happy in her job, our healthcare was completely covered, our son's education was provided for him, we had good life insurance, a solid retirement plan, a substantial housing allowance, and I had all the time in the world to focus on writing, design, and music? How would I feel? Overjoyed. What would I do? I'd write, design, and play music. I'd also spend quality time with our son and be involved in his activities, in a non-invasive way, of course.

Would I work if I didn't have to anymore? I'm sure I'd go nuts if I didn't, but even so, she's referring to my writing as legitimate work, which means that she really believes in my potential. That or she could be convinced that I really don't have what it takes to keep a job long enough to retire from it. I know her though, if she felt that way she'd say so.

I need to write. I need to dedicate myself to it completely, and she is offering me that option on a silver platter.

We know that we would be faced with times of prolonged separation, but both of us knew that we may be facing that from the day we got married. We were both in the Army, but that never guaranteed that we'd be spending every day together. In fact, quite the opposite. We're quite secure in our relationship so the time apart will not drive a rift between us. We'll be fine. More than fine, actually. We are tech savvy after all, and staying in visual and audio contact has never been as easy or as reliable as it is now. For us it would be an excuse to buy a really loaded laptop for her, something that would make both of us giddy.

I'm no longer afraid that I might not be able to take care of us financially or be able to elevate us to the lifestyle we desire. I'm also no longer afraid of relying on her. She's not a quitter by any means. If anything, she wants back in so that she can actually finish what she started 9 years ago. She's dedicated and when she wants something nothing can stop her from getting it. That's one of the many reasons I love her so much. She's driven.

So we'll still be moving every few years for a while. Oh well. I don't know any other way to live. Besides, she'll be able to get us to Hawaii and we'd actually be able to afford to live there. What a horrible move that would be, eh?

This is not something that we'd be jumping into lightly, or quickly, for that matter. It may be over 18 months before she'd get sent to OCS. That does give us a solid time table to work with, which is quite the positive. It also gives us time to consider alternative options should this not pan out the way we want. I do say that somewhat tongue in cheek though, since she always gets what she wants.

Can I live with the thought that I may be relying on my wife to lead us to prosperity? I trust her implicitly. I believe in her. Relying on her is right. It is the wise thing to do. By all means, yes, I can live with that thought. Things work out so much better when I let her do things her way. She's so much more intuitive than I, and she does have my best interests in mind.

Do I want this life? Yes. I do. Of course I already said that on the 1st of July, 2000, in Reno, Nevada, when the best thing in my life happened to me.