Day 45

So, uh, yesterday's post was a little bit on purpose; somewhat to demonstrate a point. When you're trying to reach a goal sometimes even the tiniest of setbacks seem like monumental disasters. It's so easy to lose focus and forget that you're in it for the long haul.

My weight loss has not, in fact, slowed down at all. I'm at 232 now, down from 264. I'm a few ounces shy of an average of 5 pounds per week. Not too bad at all.

These past several days I've actually been even more positive about possibilities than before. Well, at least until today, but I'll get in to that in a minute.

I've felt like I could accomplish anything; that I might even some day be promoted into a supervisory position at work and get a hefty raise. I've not doubted for a moment that I would make my weight target even faster than I did when I was preparing to enlist.

The guys at work have been great. Everyone was working together, helping each other out, and doing what it takes to get things done. Having an effect on the office atmosphere gives me quite the sense of fulfillment.

That being said, tomorrow is the last day. I've already seen how little of a long term effect positivity and courtesy have around my office. People are already convinced that the conflicts are here to stay and that no matter what they say to their supervisors their voices will never actually be heard.

Even as we're working together to get things done, the sense that by Monday all of the positivity in the office will have disappeared is inescapable. Even our happiest, most productive moments are tainted with the dread of what is sure to come Monday morning, bright and early.

I'd love to be able to lead on a more permanent basis. I know that I can inspire people, and I'm also quite allergic to BS. But the reality is that the positions of leadership in our section are filled. Period. Neither section chief is headed out any time soon, and unless I have something to add to my resume I can't exactly hope to be hired as a supervisor elsewhere.

I'm pretty well capped as a webmaster. Sure, every two years for the next 10 years I'll get a raise in the form of a step increase, but at that 10 year mark I would not be able to expect anything more than a cost of living increase, which, considering the current economic climate, is debatable.

So here I am, prepared to go back to work next week knowing that any positive inter-office relationships that were fostered during the chiefs' absence will be utterly and completely obliterated within the first 5 minutes of the day.

At least I was useful for 2 weeks.

Now I need sleep.

Day 45: 6.3 miles in 2 hours.