Day 63

Welcome to another episode of what is surely known by now as the roller coaster of Eric's emotional states! On today's ride we feature a near total breakdown, a couple of 360 degree loops of instability, and, finally, an harrowing corkscrew of despair.

So, uh, yeah. I walked. La dee frikkin' dah! Ooh, but Ah went fa-yust! That was local speak for the overeducated who insist on preserving the monosyllabic nature of single-syllable words.

Ah went so fa-yust that it hurt lahk hey-yull!

I walked. Something new and different. I weighed myself. Nothing new and different.

That's not what I really care about though.

This place is finally starting to kill me. It's actually more like day 942 than it is 63, but I'm trying to count a number that represents something a bit more positive than another one of my many descents into insanity.

This place is tearing away at us. Killing our relationship from the inside. We have no one to lash out at but each other. There's no release. There's only so far away from here that we can drive in a day without having to turn around and head back, most certainly none the merrier.

People come here to die.

This was not my choice, but it is my fault. I'm trying to get us out of here, but I fear that even if I were to succeed it would not be enough. The damage is done. I will never be able to forgive myself for allowing us to come here and stay here as long as we have. These are years we will never be able to recover. Our lives will be forever tainted by the foul stench of this awful place.

I fear that this place will have a more intense and lasting effect on me than the time I spent homeless and the years I lived in public housing thereafter.

The damage is done.

Day 63: 6.25 miles in 100 minutes.

Blah, blah, blah.